:. revelation .:

Here we are, at the end of another year. Like any other, it held the good, the bad, the not-so-great. (There was also The Over The Top FANTASTIC: have you seen Eisley Christine??!??!)

But overall, it feels like the past 12 months for me, personally, have held more down than up. Been a bit of a struggle, shall we say? (It doesn't help that I've been sick for the past 6 weeks. Feeling like crap doesn't add to a rosy outlook.)

The end of the year means I'm finishing up another read-through of my favorite book, the Bible. Since I read straight through, that means come mid-December I hit Revelation. I freely admit, Revelation is a hard book: prophecy, visions, end of the world happenings. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go ahead and grab a Bible, turn to the last book, and give it a go. It's only 22 chapters. It will have your head spinning, I guarantee.

But I'm always struck by John's words at the very beginning of the book:

"Blessed is the one who reads the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take to heart what is written in it, because the time is near."

So while it might not be easy, it would be foolishness indeed to dismiss it.

But in the first three chapters, before you get to the jaw-dropping end-time scenes, you find Jesus' words to the seven churches. I always ask the Holy Spirit to reveal which words fit my own spiritual condition, which words He would speak to me.

And this year, there was no doubt. He gently held my heart, and said to me (as well as to the church in Philadelphia):

"I know that you have little strength, yet you have not denied my name . . . I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your crown."

Aaahh, my Savior understands.

But so as not to sound entirely pitiful, let me list some of the highlights of the past 12 months:

• Josh continued to amaze with his dad skills.
• Chris discovered how wonderful it is to be the daddy of a little girl . . . and started honing his dad skills
• Emily continued to amaze with her mom skills.
• Kate discovered how wonderful it is to be the mommy of a little girl . . . and started honing her mom skills.
• Gavin started kindergarten . . . what a big kid.
• Liam went to art school . . . cartwheel school was just too noisy.
• Tate learned to walk . . . and do about everything else big boys can do.
• Eisley decided to join the fam . . . and be the most beautiful girl around.
• Josh continued to amaze with his handyman skills, improving his home for his family.
• Emily continued to advocate for her eldest the way only a mother can, making sure he gets every and all help he needs.
• Chris continued to amaze with his handyman skills, improving his home for his family.
• Kate returned to the stage to use her talent the way only she can, delighting audiences everywhere with her singing and her dancing and her comedic genius.
• Josh finished a mini-triathlon . . . wow.
• Chris ran a half-marathon . . . wow.
• Emily and Kate both chopped their hair . . . and showed young mums everywhere what hip and trendy looks like.
• Gavin continued at Child Serve, working hard at things that come naturally to most of us . . . he's my hero.
• Liam continued to come up with some of the funniest lines in comedy . . . without even trying.
• Tate decided he's crazy about his littlest girl cousin . . . he and Eisie are going to be Best Friends.
• Eisley learned absolutely everything she should learn in her first 7 months of life . . . she's the best.
• my kids continued to love each other and their God with all they've got . . . perfect examples of godly families.
• my grands continued to be the joy, delight and honey of my soul . . . whatever would I do without them?
• and fighting mightily against a very debilitating illness, Benny put in one of the longest, hardest 12 months of work ever . . . because that is the kind of man he is.
  

Here's to a better 2011.

:. good gifts & great darkness .:

I'm so very, very excited for Christmas morning! The bright, shining faces of the little ones; sugar plum visions dancing merrily; that oh, so delicious brunch awaiting! Yes, I love Christmas morning.
Besides all that, this year I seem to have found the perfect gifts for everyone on my list. For instance, I'm absolutely GIDDY, anticipating Gavin's face when he lays eyes on 'dark bunny' (the one thing he keeps telling mommy he really, really hopes he gets for Christmas).
[What is dark bunny, you ask? Doesn't matter. Suffice it to say, Gav has his heart set on it, and dark bunny is exactly what he shall get!]

Isn't it grand to know you've found just the right thing to give? The thing that will show the recipient just how much you love them?

I'm certain God the Father gets giddy, giving gifts to His kids. Scripture teaches that:

"Every good and perfect gift is from above,

coming down from the Father of lights."

Can't you just imagine Him being over-the-top excited as He unfolds His gifts in the lives of His beloved children?
I like what Jesus tells us:

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"

And on a similar note, allow me to tell you a little story:

Years ago when the girls were little, we took a very rare (and therefore, treasured!) family vacation to Colorado. We spent a wonderful week in the glorious Rocky Mountains, seeing the sights, visiting with a dear uncle of mine, doing touristy things. One of the things we chose to do was visit Cave of the Winds.

We joined the tour, and wound our way deeeeeep inside a mountain. (It's been a long time, but I remember the tour guide mentioning something about being A MILE underneath the earth. A. MILE.)
Now, what you need to know is that THIS girl is so VERY claustrophobic. Ridiculously claustrophobic. Like the time I pulled up to a stop light, and happened to find myself with a city bus on either side of me. Panic set in, as in: OH MY STARS, GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!! Like I said, ridiculously claustrophobic.

But since I refuse to allow fear to dictate my actions, and since I wanted to be a part of this family adventure, I summoned all the intestinal fortitude I could muster, and joined the group heading into the mountain. Sure, we saw stalactites and stalagmites, and whatever other ites there are; sure, it was a very cool and unusual glimpse of creation you don't get everyday. But did I mention we were A MILE under the earth? And at one point, I recall, we had to actually get down on hands and knees and CRAWL through some tiny opening to get to the next point on our tour. SHUDDER!

But here's the whole point: we finally arrived in a largish cavern, and the tour guide very dramatically said she was going to switch off the lights so that we could experience just how dark it was in the cave. Out went the lights . . .

utter darkness. thick blackness. impenetrable night.

Which brings me to my all-time favorite verse of the season:

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;

on those living in the land of darkness

a light has dawned."

~ Isaiah 9:2 ~

Most of us aren't even aware of just how great is the darkness in which we live. We squint, we stumble, we get used to the dark. But the Light of the world has come and we no longer need to walk blindly.
God gave His most perfect gift when He sent Jesus into the world. May you know Him, in whom "there is no darkness at all."

Merry Christmas to all!

:. manger people .:

Finally got the house decorated for Christmas last week. Of course the Nativity set is the most important element at our house (Jesus IS the reason for the season, after all). Ours certainly isn't fancy, but it's served well ever since the girls were little. They spent many an hour playing with the figures; we even saw the demise of the angel 'Maranatha'.

My little boys love the Nativity as well . . . they always ask if they can play with "the manger people". Well, of COURSE they can! That's the whole point of Christmas, that God came down to be accessible to His children.

So, here's what the manger looks like after they've spent the afternoon at my house:

(Those are "Santa Claus logs in the fireplace".)

So, what happened to the 'manger people'? Looks like they just went out for a little drive. (And yes, that's Baby Jesus driving the steam shovel.)

"That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched - this we proclaim concerning the Word of life."

1 John 1:1

:. tracks .:

We had that first wonderful, glorious snowfall of the season the other day. Liam was quite excited to report that he saw TRACKS! in their front yard! I asked what sort of animal he thought made them, and after giving it a little thought he said, "Probably a giraffe".
"Really?! A giraffe??!"
"Or . . . maybe it was a camel."

How I wish we grown-ups never lost that sweet naiveté that assumes a camel could show up in the middle of Iowa. (And why not? I remember hearing about a polar bear that ended up in the middle of the Tunisian desert. But that's another story.)

Mommy quietly whispered to me that actually, the tracks were left by a squirrel.

Oh, the faith of a child, where anything is possible!

:. i might be contagious .:

Josh took my picture today using the 'zombie scanner' app on his phone. Evidently I'm 80% infected. In fact, the scanner gave these instructions:

"Infection has gained control of host. Subject should be exterminated."

And here I thought I had bronchitis. No wonder I feel so awful.

:. in all circumstances .:

I've been thinking a lot about thankfulness lately. And not just because it's Thanksgiving week.
A few months back, I caught myself doing something I hate: having a little pity party. And then I read these words in the book of Daniel:

"Now when Daniel learned that the decree had been published, he went home to his upstairs room where the windows opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before."

[You can read the whole story for yourself; it's in Daniel 6. This one ends with the whole lions' den scene. Pretty amazing stuff.]

The three times a day thing really hit me between the eyes. I understand it was cultural, but I thought perhaps it would be interesting to try it myself as a sort of spiritual discipline. Because I realized if you're feeling sorry for yourself, there's no room left for thankfulness.

So, three times a day, I stopped whatever I was doing and headed to my room. Getting down on my knees, I mentally searched the previous hours until I found something to thank God for. I didn't take the easy way out and thank Him for family . . . that would've been too obvious and too casual. My desire was to see His hand in the thousands of tiny things of everyday, rather than focus on the giant 'woe-is-me' circumstances of my life.

So, how'd it go? Honestly, it was one of the hardest things I've ever attempted.
It was hard to stop whatever I happened to be doing those three times during the day. (Isn't that pathetic? I mean, seriously, what on earth do I do that's more important than turning my attention to God Almighty? Who, actually, do I think I am?).
It was hard to thank Him when my heart wanted instead to stay wrapped up in my cocoon of pity. (Again, pathetic.)
And I'm embarrassed to say that my little experiment in the discipline of thankfulness only lasted about a week. But being the loving Father that He is, God did gently peel away the layers of hurt and anxiety I was feeling and the pity party ended.

I've realized that the only way to 'be thankful in all circumstances' as we are commanded is to have FAITH.
FAITH that God is in control, no matter how bleak the outlook.
FAITH that this God who is in control also loves us with an everlasting love.
FAITH that whatever suffering we are called to do in this world is NOTHING compared with the glory that awaits us.
FAITH that He is bigger than any obstacle, greater than any darkness, and that His compassion never fails.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! May your faith outweigh your fear!

:. tombstone .:

No, not the pizza. Not the movie. And not the town. I'm talking tombstone here, as in epitaph.

Maybe it's all the history and biographies I read that gets me to wondering what sort of legacy I'd leave, what people would say about me after I'm gone. Maybe it's hitting these middle years that causes you to evaluate your life: where you're going, what you've accomplished, what's left to do in the time allotted.

[And no, Katie, I'm not keeping something from you.]


Maybe it's the realization that every one of us will someday stand before the King of the universe and give an account of the way we've lived. Our designer clothes will be rags, the cars we've driven so proudly will be rust, our houses, our possessions, our treasures will all be a pathetic heap of ashes as we are at last before the Creator.

Gives one pause, to say the least.

Will I be remembered as someone who made a difference? or merely as someone who made some nice crafts?
Will people say, "She loved her God with her heart and soul"? or will they say, "She loved to garden"?
Will I be the woman who's remembered for her words of encouragement . . . or her sassy retorts?


There's a story in the Gospels about a woman who anointed Jesus with some very expensive perfume, a foreshadowing of His death. Those who were present grumbled about her wastefulness, but Jesus Himself praised her act, saying, "She did what she could."


Do I serve Jesus with extravagance, 'wasting' the earth's riches on my Lord and Savior?
Am I doing all I can to serve and obey Him?

At the end of the day, when I am standing before the Almighty God, I want to hear Him say,

"Well done, good and faithful servant! Enter into my joy."

What will your epitaph be?

:. the blogosphere, or, shut up, will you? .:

I realize it's been a long time since I've ruminated aloud (a.k.a. "blogged"). There are a lot of reasons for that. It struck me awhile ago what a weird universe the blogosphere is. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has a blog. And for every person with something worthwhile to say, there are ten more with nothing to say . . . but they say it anyway. [I leave it to you, dear reader, to decide into which category I fall.]
I am definitely a fan of free speech, and if someone wants to spend time reading drivel, then more power to the drivel-writer. But I decided I will not blog unless I feel I have something of value to share. In short, I don't want to just add to the noise.

Another reason for not posting is the general overwhelmingness of life lately. I've been dang busy! A good busy, but busy nonetheless. I have myriad thoughts running through my head, (great blog-material all!), but not the time to sit down and formulate them into something readable.
And then there's the whole double-vision thing, and the prism on my lens which makes looking at the computer screen a bit dicey. Hopefully that will be taken care of soon, thanks to this guy and his connections with the wizards at Wolfe Clinic.

So I leave you with this (hopefully worthwhile) thought:
A lot of people who follow Christ seem to view serving God the same way they view their great-grandma's china: it's only to be brought out for special occasions. We say we want to serve God, but we seem to be waiting for the "big" thing - an overseas missions trip, teaching Sunday School, or taking in a foster child. Good things all, and certainly a big way to serve God.
But I'm here to remind you that our service to God should happen daily. We serve Him when we serve our families. We serve Him when we cut the neighbor's grass, let someone go ahead of us in the check-out line, when we encourage, when we console, when we cry with those who hurt. We serve Him when we lift others up in prayer, when we cheerfully change our plans to help someone in need, when we realize our day, our life, belongs to Him. We serve Him when we read to a child, drive a 90-year old to the beauty shop, and smile when we'd rather complain. We serve Him when our heart is full of gratitude for His mercy, when we share with someone else the amazing things He has done for us.

May I serve Him well today.

:. brights .:

If you're over in the Ingersoll area, do me a favor and stop by Tandem Brick. The Farmer's Almanac predicts we're going to have another snowy winter, so trust me, you're gonna want one of these babies!*

*actually, don't feel obligated to buy . . . but please do at least 'ooh' and 'aah' over my stuff! Thanks!

:. eden, hardly .:

My garden sure took a hit this summer. With our hot-humid-rainy-repeat weather, there weren't many good gardening hours to be had. And of course by July, I'm about gardened-out anyway. (Yes, I'm lazy.) Add to that the usual busyness of summer as well as all those unexpected things of which life is made.

Suffice it to say, my asters didn't get pinched once, the paths are overgrown, nothing has been dead-headed, and the weeds have won the day. There are even a few impatiens still in the flat in which they arrived from the garden center in May, waiting to be planted. (!)

BUT.

Look what God decided to grace me with, in a year when He knew I wouldn't have the time/energy to keep up:

The lovely white-flowered vine is a sweet autumn clematis. I noticed it earlier in the spring, a clump of foliage that I certainly hadn't planted. But there it was, twining right up the trellis on which my mandevilla reigns supreme. I thought the leaves looked like a clematis, but surely I couldn't be so lucky as to get something so lovely to volunteer in my yard.

As the summer went on it got fuller and fuller, and then it started to bud. Oh my stars, it really is a sweet autumn clematis!

The great thing about this story is that I actually didn't get just one beautiful vine. God graced me with two. The second one is about 10 feet further down the bed, placed neatly and precisely in the gap between two arborvitaes.

And wouldn't you know it, both vines are visible from my kitchen window.

The original Master Gardener is still at work!

And on a similar note, here is something else that absolutely makes me happy:

My "yarn-at-a-glance" shelf, full of winter brights and cozy darks, each just waiting to be made into something lovely.

I am blessed, indeed.

:. food for thought .:

The other night Benny picked up dinner for us at our favorite taco stand. It wasn't until the next day that I took a close look at the receipt he'd left on the kitchen counter: I've always loved that their motto is "Nothing is Impossible", but it was a jolt to read those next words. What a reminder! What a succinct summation of the gospel message!

"The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve,

and to give his life as a ransom for many."

~ Matthew 20:28

:. top ten inventions of all time .:

1. grandchildren


2. autumn


3. humor


4. canaries


5. coffee


6. family dinner


7. hoodies


8. books


9. "air" quotes


10. the telegraph

[Technically, only #10 is an actual "invention". But if I was telling you this in person, I'd definitely be using "air" quotes.]

:. lessons & questions .:

Such a busy few weeks. So many jumbled thoughts. So many huge life-lessons.
Without going into any detail, here are a few things I've learned lately, along with new questions that have cropped up:

• Just when you think you have a bit of free time ahead, God can step in and remind you that your 'free-time' isn't 'me-time'. Your days belong to Him. And He probably has a very good idea of how that time should be used.
• It is sometimes easier to serve complete strangers than those closest to you.
• My patience definitely has limits. Does it count for anything if you are loving on the outside . . . but CRANK-EEEE on the inside?
• I had no idea just how selfishly I live my life. Putting others first is easy to talk about, but much harder to DO, day after day after day after day after day after day after day.
• I'm definitely not a fan of pity-parties. But how often am I guilty of that very thing? (Pity, party of one?)
• Little children are a joy, a delight, a sweet aroma. They easily fill up an emotional tank that has been drained dry. What would I do without my grands?
• How do Jesus' words that we are to become like little children mesh with the above statement? How do you recapture the guileless ease with which little ones live life?
• How do you show Jesus to a dying world . . . when you're busy with your own to-do list?
• How do you come to the place where you want what God wants, more than your own agenda?

And finally:

• What would I do without my children? Yes, my grands are a delight, but my kids are a blessing that cannot be measured. Thanks for all the love, you guys!

:. smiley waving black guy .:

I saw Smiley Waving Black Guy this morning. Perhaps you've seen him around; if you live anywhere near this side of town, you can't miss him. He walks most places, always has a HUGE smile on his face, and waves at every passing car.

I don't know if he's crazy . . . or just really, really happy.

I hadn't seen him in awhile, but I caught sight of him from a few blocks away. And I realized how happy I was to see him. I love that guy. His smile is contagious; his happy, wild waving never fails to put a smile on my face. Of course I always wave back, and that makes him smile even more.

There's just something wonderful about seeing all that joy and friendliness emanating from another human being. (And yes, the thought has crossed my mind that perhaps Jesus has decided to walk these streets.)

Thanks for the day-brightener, Smiley Waving Black Guy. I'm going to do my best to carry a bit of your attitude today.

:. live it .:

People are often unreasonable and self-centered.

FORGIVE THEM ANYWAY.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.

BE KIND ANYWAY.

If you are honest, people may cheat you.

BE HONEST ANYWAY.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous.

BE HAPPY ANYWAY.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.

DO GOOD ANYWAY.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.

GIVE YOUR BEST ANYWAY.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.

IT NEVER WAS BETWEEN YOU AND THEM ANYWAY.

~ Mother Theresa ~

:. the dichotomy of independence .:

On this Independence Day, a word about dependence.

As a nation, Americans are fiercely and proudly independent. We value our freedoms (and rightly so); we relish our pioneer spirit. We take orders from no one; we are proud to live in the land of the free and the home of the brave. "Don't Tread On Me" . . . "Give me liberty or give me death".

It's the American way.

But despite the slogans, despite what we may think, we are not free. We are all slaves. God Himself said so.

"A man is a slave to whatever has mastered him."

~ 2 Peter 2:19

"I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin."

~ John 8:34

The Bible makes it clear that we are either slaves to sin, or slaves to righteousness. Through Jesus we can be set free from sin, but many of us choose to remain bound with those chains. How foolish, when the alternative gives such great reward:

"Now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life."

~ Romans 6:22

No, we're not really free, we are slaves. We also aren't really independent. We weren't created to be. John Donne had it right:

"No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; . . . any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind."

Even Jack Shepherd famously said, "If we can't live together, we're gonna die alone." [Ed. note: Yes, I still miss Lost.]

The Bible tells us over and over that we are to bear one another's burdens, serve one another, love one another, meet together, pray together, and on and on. Those things definitely negate any idea we may hold of independence from our fellow man.

And then, of course, like it or not, believe it or not, act like it or not, each of us is entirely dependent on the One who created us.

So on this Independence Day, raise the flag, shoot off those fireworks, and consider:

"If the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed."

~ John 8:36

:. imagine .:

Imagine for a moment that you just won the lottery. Let's make this an even better scenario: let's say the winning ticket was the very first one you'd ever purchased. And let's say the jackpot was 180 million bucks . . . or whatever amount was enough to last you the rest of your days, even after the IRS took their (grossly unfair) cut.

Imagine how you would feel.

Imagine the feeling of paying off your bills - mortgage, car, school loans, credit cards, what have you.

Imagine knowing the good you could do with all that money: charities, people in need, helping out family members and friends.

Imagine how it would feel to never have to worry about finances again.

Imagine knowing you'd never again wonder how you're going to put food on the table, or make it till next payday, or pay that enormous heating bill.

Imagine being able to buy anything your heart desired.

Imagine how that would feel.

Now imagine that obeying God made you feel that same way.

"I rejoice in following your Word

as one rejoices in great riches."
Psalm 119:14

Imagine what that would be like.

:. this I know .:

Ashby Park is the sweetest-smelling place on earth right now. Why? That wonderful field of clover. Grab a child (any child) and head to the Ashby playground before they mow. You'll be glad you did.

Speaking of sweet scents, have you smelled Eisley S. yet? Mmmmmm . . . . she smells of milk and honey. Seriously in love with that girl!

And speaking of wonderful little people, it seems Liam is going to be an A-class worrier. Daddy was on the roof the other day, doing some repairs, and our middlest was ever so worried about him falling. Liam recounted the whole thing to me the next day, adding, "Next time, daddy should wear my helmet!" (Which is a great mental picture: Josh wearing way-too-small Spider Man headgear.)
The thing is, Leebs also worries about wild animals coming into his house, pirates, and gypsies (among other things).

As for other wonderful little people, Gav and I made a trip to "Boesen the Flower Shop" yesterday. He passes it every time he goes to ChildServe, so I promised him we would visit. As we walked into the greenhouse, he kept exclaiming, "It's so beautiful in here!" Love my little horticulturist!

And to round out with a Tate comment: That littlest boy is going to be oh, so funny! We're predicting he's set to be the loudest of the brothers, and I personally am guessing he might even surpass Liam as family funny-man. (Of course he has to learn to talk first, but there seems to be no stopping the third Hulling!) And his drooly, bitey kisses are absolute heaven.

In other news, I seriously miss Lost already. No, I didn't like the ending. It felt hurried, and it was as if the writers took the easy (cheesy) way out. But having said that, I did really like the series, and I'm sad that it's over. But since I do have a real life, I will let the sadness pass.

Speaking of sadness, I was thinking the other day of how many sorrows we are asked to carry in this life. You know what they are . . . we each have our burdens, some heavier than others. And the apostle Paul's words sprang to mind:

"If we have hoped in Christ in this life only,

we are of all men most to be pitied."

1 Corinthians 15:19

The knowledge that this life is but a temporary vapor, that these trials are light and momentary compared with the eternity that's waiting, that is what enables one to carry on no matter what the circumstances. A Christ-follower may give up some things (his very life, daily!) to be obedient, but the hope we have for eternity far out-weighs any 'inconvenience'. And the trials we bear now will seem so inconsequential in light of what's waiting.

Bottom line: Keep your 'eye on the prize'. Maintain an eternal perspective. Don't confuse the material things we enjoy in this life with the things that matter.

:. good and pleasant .:

The past few weeks, I've been helping my little guys memorize Psalm 133:1:

"How good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity."

(A grand and perfect verse for brothers to learn, wouldn't you agree?)

We've talked about what those words mean, and what sort of behavior God would like to see from us.

So the other night those loves were over at my house (so mommy could run down to the hospital to see baby Eisley!). They were playing with the Hot Wheels race track, and doing a pretty good job of taking turns. But then Liam started fudging just a tad, and took a couple of extra turns, so Gav bopped him on the head. Liam turned to me with a very pained look, eyebrows furrowed, and lamented,

"Grandma! Gavin isn't dwelling together in unity!"

Aaah, well at least he understands how the verse applies to Gavin.

:. happy mother's day .:

Before you were conceived I wanted you

Before you were born I loved you

Before you were here an hour I would die for you

This is the miracle of life.

~ maureen hawkins

you're as beautiful as a flower.

~ dre'von

(this one from a mother's day poster at the grocery store, in which kids told why they love their mom)

:. welcome, baby girl! .:

Introducing the beautiful and talented

Miss Eisley Christine Saldanha!

Making her appearance at 1:30 am on 05.05.10.

Weighing in at a petite 6 lbs. 15 oz.; 19 inches tall.

Welcome to the world, baby girl! We love you already!

:. scientific proof .:

Whenever I hear someone citing studies that 'prove' there is no link between autism and vaccines, I think of this:

:. thoughts while waiting for baby girl .:

Being a mom means you love more deeply than you ever thought possible.

It means you worry more than you ever thought possible, too.

Motherhood is the place where you leave 'self' behind. What begins during the nine months you carefully nurture the tiny little person inside, lasts . . . for the rest of your life. Because no matter how old your children, they will always be your children. The concern for their well-being doesn't end when they turn 18 or leave the nest or have a family of their own.

Being a mom lets you understand (perhaps for the first time) why your own mother did some of the things she did.

Motherhood is the place where you begin to pray as you've never prayed before.

It is the place where your inadequacies loom large in view of the enormous treasure placed in your hands. Where you realize how little wisdom you have, and how much you need God.

Being a mom means you are in store for the biggest joys you've ever known. And some pretty big heartaches as well.

It means you will hurt like crazy when your child hurts. And skinned knees are just scratching the surface. (Literally.) Wait until your child's heart hurts: when a friend has betrayed them, or life has let them down. When they don't make the team, or that girl/boy breaks up with them.

Motherhood means knowing when to let go. It is allowing your kids to make mistakes, to stumble and even fall, because you know that only through struggle do we grow. And it means being there to help them back up on their feet, encouraging them to never give up.

Being a mom means summoning strength when you are weary, patience when you don't feel like it, and asking forgiveness when you mess up. Because you will. And that's okay; your kids need to learn how to make things right when they mess up. Your kids need to understand the human condition, to see grace in action, to know what it is to be unconditionally loved.

Motherhood means disciplining when it would be easier to let something slide.

It means taking every opportunity to teach your child about God's greatest gift, in the hope that they, too, will want to follow Jesus when they are older. It's knowing that they have a free-will, to choose or reject the Savior who died for them.

Motherhood means realizing that you are being watched; that every word and action is being taken in by a little person who is looking to you to see how human beings act and react.

It is knowing that giving them every 'thing' they want will only leave them empty, but that there is no limit on the amount of love you can shower upon them.

Motherhood is dandelion bouquets and sticky kisses. It is the angelic beauty of a sleeping child. It is a boy digging in the dirt; a girl twirling in a pink tutu. It is a lump in your throat when your child succeeds . . . a lump in your throat when they fail. It is pride in their every accomplishment; it is your heart overflowing.

Being a mother means you will most likely see the day when your children have children. And so the cycle begins again . . . intensified by the word "grand" in front of your name.

:. noise .:

The prophet Elijah had just come off a big win against the prophets of Baal. [You can read the full play-by-play in 1 Kings 18. Be assured, it's riveting.]

Yes, Elijah proved beyond a doubt that Jehovah is Lord . . . yet he came away from the experience afraid and depressed. He had good reason; Jezebel the queen had vowed to kill him, but I find it quite interesting that after such a huge spiritual victory he would slide into very dire emotional straits.

Chew on that fact; mull it over; ponder it well. I will let you draw your own conclusions, because this post is about what happened next.

After some refreshment straight from the hand of God, he headed to Horeb, "the mountain of God", where he was told "the Lord is about to pass by."

Tornadic winds tore at the mountain, shattering rocks . . . but the Lord was not in the wind.
Then, an earthquake . . . but the Lord was not in the earthquake.
After the earthquake, a fire . . . but the Lord was not in the fire.

"And after the fire came a gentle whisper."

And there, there was God Almighty.

We are told in another place to "be still and know that I am God."

It makes sense that we must be quiet in order to know this God who speaks in a gentle whisper.

My question is: with all the noise in our everyday lives, how is it possible to hear Him? How often have we missed His voice because we surround ourselves with NOISE? We carry phones with us everywhere so we don't miss a single call. We stay connected to the internet so we don't miss any emails, tweets, facebook messages. We turn the music up loud, the TV on for background noise, we use ear buds, iPods, lala.

Really? Are we that afraid of stillness? Are we afraid of being absolutely alone . . . with our thoughts, with our God?

Turn off the noise, and listen for that gentle whisper. It could change your life.

:. for your information .:

• 1 in 91 children (formerly 1 in 150 up until 2009 and 1 in 10,000 in the early 1990s)
• 4:1 ratio of boys to girls
• 1 in 58 boys
• Fastest growing developmental disability
• A family with a child with autism will fund 3 to 5 million dollars of services throughout the lifetime of the child.
• More children will be diagnosed with autism this year than cancer, diabetes, Downs Syndrome and AIDS combined.
• Autism receives less than 5% of the research funding of most of the more prevalent childhood disorders.
• Approximately 1 million individuals in the US have autism

:. the message of the cross .:

"For the message of the cross is foolishness

to those who are perishing,

but to us who are being saved

it is the power of God."

~ 1 Corinthians 1:18 ~

What is the message of the cross?

It is a message of hope for hopeless people. Forgiveness and cleansing. Grace, mercy and peace. It is a message of God's unconditional love. Of redemption and relationship. It is a message of joy and pardon and a new way of being. Death to self and life eternal. It is strength for the weary and adoption as sons.

The cross is God, beckoning, pleading with us to return to Him. To be reunited with the One who formed us. It is God providing the Way to become the people we were created to be.

How is it possible for all this to be considered foolishness? Who could turn down such a gift?

Please, be reconciled to Him. He is stretching out His arms to you right now.

:. carnation lily lily rose .:

I love this John Singer Sargent painting: it is a breath of June as we sit at the tail-end of winter. Spring is coming . . . and roses . . . and lilies . . . oh, and Baby Girl!
(Im)patiently waiting!

:. thirty-seven .:

Yesterday the high hit 37°. With the winter we've had, that 37 felt like 77. Forget doing dishes, forget folding laundry, forget getting ready for family dinner! I naturally headed out to the garden to soak up some much-needed vitamin D. Hhhhmmm . . . where to sit?

Definitely not HERE. Notice where the ice chunk CRASHED off the roof and SPLINTERED my adirondack chair! Yikes!

Oh, there's a dry little seat . . if I can climb over mountains of snow in my chucks. [Note to self: buy snow boots for next winter.] I tell you, the 20 minutes I spent with that wonderfully warm sun on my face was HEAVEN. I would've stayed out longer, but I really did need to get ready for the birthday buddies.

Oh, and here's what spring-time looks like on the inside of my house:

I can't wait for the real thing!

:. oh, suburbia .:

I overheard an interesting conversation today at my neighborhood Walmart. (Yes, I was at Walmart.)

Two youngish moms were chatting about kids and schools, and one said, "We open-enrolled our daughter because we live in Johnston, and we wanted a school system with more diversity. I grew up in a small town, and there were only white people there. We didn't want our kids to grow up that way!"

Um. Then why are you living in the suburbs??!?!?

(Don't get me started on that rant!)

:. open wide your mouth .:

I love this photo. I shot it quite a few years ago in my backyard. I enjoy it for so many reasons:

☼ robins are terrible nest-builders. Just look how untidy that mess o' twigs is!

☼ they also don't choose nesting sites very wisely. This nest was built on my rose-arbor, about head-high, in a high-traffic area. Duh, robin.

☼ baby birds are dang cute. Look at those egg-yolk mouths! Cheep, cheep, cheep!

☼ mmmm . . . can't you just smell the light but glorious fragrance of that climbing New Dawn rose?!

☼ there is no better reminder that spring is coming than photos such as this. I'd like to make a new motto, right here and now:

SPRING HAPPENS

(feel free to quote me.)

But the number one reason I love this photo is because it reminds me of something God said in Psalm 81:

"I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt.

Open wide your mouth and I will fill it."

Have you ever watched a nest of hatchlings? They pretty much expect mom and dad to take care of them. When they're hungry, they open their mouths. They expect food to be dropped in. They don't fret, they don't question, they don't wonder. They instinctively know their needs will be provided.

They just open.

:. 1 + 1 = 1 .:

Benny and I celebrated 34 years of wedded bliss yesterday. Of course, anyone who's been married for any length of time knows it's not always bliss exactly. But wedded we've been, for a pretty big chunk of years.
It struck me the other night, how companionable your mate becomes after such a long time together. You know each other so well, the slightest arch of the eyebrow or set of the jaw speaks volumes, words unnecessary. It's comforting, and safe, and lovely to know just one other person so deeply. To have one person be the one you turn to, talk to, listen to, share life with.
God tells us that in marriage, two people become one. One heart, one purpose, one Master. I can tell you: after 34 years, it's a wonderful thing.

Our children honored us quite nicely, foregoing the Super Bowl to share the evening with us. After a favorite family dinner at the Hulling manor, we sat in the living room, and Josh pulled out his guitar. Liam immediately ran to get his, and Gav grabbed the microphone.

And then we sang worship songs.

I can't even describe how amazing/humbling/beautiful/funny that was.
Amazing because this, THIS is what Benny and I began, unknowingly, 34 years ago. This amazing family is the product of two very human people who have made a lot of mistakes along the way.
Humbling because my daughters are wonderful, godly women who chose wonderful, godly men to spend their lives with. They are now raising their children to know and love the Lord Jesus Christ.
Beautiful because watching my grands is always beautiful! The way Liam imitates his daddy while playing guitar like a rock star is beautiful. The way Gav smiles as he's singing at the top of his angel voice is beautiful. The way Tate squeals with delight the louder the room gets is beautiful.
And funny because Liam can't play the guitar at all. But he sure thinks he can. It's hilarious to watch.

I can't think of a better way to celebrate than with all 9.7 of us gathered together, praising the One responsible for it all.
Thanks, kids!

:. the sweetest sound .:

So yesterday I stopped by the Hulling manor to pick up Emily. (We were headed to Ames to work a little magic on Baby Girl's nursery.) Naturally, I ran inside for a minute to say hello to my three little loves.

Tate made happy sounds at me from his position on the solarium rug. Heart-melt.

Liam ran to greet me wearing nothing but a shirt and a smile. Heavenly.

Gavin gave me a huge hug while doing a little happy dance. Perfection.
And then he said:

"Grandma, would you please stay here and have your Special Day with me?!"

Music, I tell you.

:. the bad samaritan .:

Ice, snow, terrible roads. Naturally Benny got his truck stuck trying to get up our driveway last night. And I mean really stuck . . . as in "blocking the street" stuck.
I did go out to help him, though I'm not much help.
I was quite happy when a guy turned onto our block just then. I waved at him to let him know to hold off; there was no way he could get past us. At least there would be another set of muscles to help Benny push as I gunned it, trying to get out of the street.
Unbelievably, the man just sat in his car. For TWENTY minutes. He sat and watched a silver-haired guy and a woman try to get a very stuck truck un-stuck. And didn't lift a finger to help.
I was appalled. Stupefied. Ticked.

And I thought of my boys . . . and how either one of them would have jumped out of their car in a split second, without giving it another thought, and helped someone in need.
[My girls would have had the same impulse; they're just not much help when it comes to pushing cars out of the street.]

Hurray for my boys.
Boo on the guy in the silver Honda.

:. tragedy and the heart of God .:

The pictures coming out of Haiti this week are heartbreaking. There are those who ask, "How can a loving God allow such tragedies?"

Let me say up front, I have no idea why God allows such disasters to take place. I believe it breaks His heart to see so much suffering . . . and yet He, who alone could have stopped it, did nothing.

No, I don't understand that. But I do know that God originally intended for us to live in a perfect world, free from sin, and heartache, and yes, natural disasters. Because of sin, the whole world now lies under a curse.

God is Almighty - so much bigger than you or I - and His ways are "past finding out". To understand every way in which He works in this world would be to cut Him down to our size. And a God who was just like us wouldn't be much of a God at all.

But this post isn't about that, necessarily. This is more about our own hearts.

First of all, Pat Robertson is an idiot. To say that the Haitians have "been cursed" because they "made a pact with the devil" is just wrong. Yes, Haiti has had its share of brutal leaders, and definitely has deep societal problems. But to castigate an entire people is idiotic. That's tantamount to saying they deserved this.

What about Jesus' very own words in Luke 13? He was asked about a tragedy that happened in His day, and He replied,

"Those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them - do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish."

I think perhaps God has a few questions of His own:

Why are you just now so concerned for the people of Haiti? They have always suffered from abject poverty. Isn't that, too, a tragedy? Why did it take an earthquake to shake you from your comfortable nest? Aren't there people all over the world who suffer every day? Where is your concern for them? Isn't it a tragedy that so many Americans need to count calories . . . when there are those in the world who go to bed hungry every night? Where is the justice in that? And what exactly will change now that you have this new-found 'concern'?

You see, I don't question God in events such as these.

I question those of us whom God placed here to make a difference . . . but who instead choose to close our eyes, our hands hanging limply at our sides.

:. rest easy, america .:

Yes, Jack is back . . . and America can rest easy for another 24 hours.

I've been so excited for the return of 24, and just this morning I finally snuck a peek at season 8. It seems my 'long-lost son' has landed a major role!

"Cole Ortiz (Freddie Prinze Jr.), a former Marine who wants to follow in Jack Bauer’s footsteps, runs the division’s Field Operations."

I love the sound of that!

:. it's a new day .:

First, the Year In Review (in no particular order):

• Tate Joshua Hulling! • Baby Saldanha! • Massachusetts • Son-Rise • focus room • badly sprained ankle • split chin • parkinsons • siding and windows • nationwide • Red Thread Laine • California • Disney Land! • ChildServe • learning to ride a bike • exploding speech! • family dinners • geel lunch • Special Days With Grandma • birthday buddy celebrations • fireworks • Jazz in July • Ragamuffins • knit, knit, knit • felt, felt, felt • reading • writing • not much 'rithmatic • laughing • some crying • Drake relays 5k in the rain • some good deeds • some selfishness • encouraged some • let others down • sister time • friend time • garden time • Gavin and Liam for a week • Lost parties • 24 parties • ewan and charlie • zombie movies • sunny days • dreary days • ordinary days • extraordinary days •

And now, some New Year's Resolutions (in no particular order):

1. Eat better. This would involve eating more fruit. (Who am I kidding?)
2. Exercise more. (Again with the kidding.)
3. Take vitamins. (I could possibly get this one done.)
4. Design some really smashing hats and bags. (Ha!)
5. Laugh more. (Shouldn't be hard; it's one of my favorite things.)
6. Make stuff.
7. Learn.
8. Grow.
9. Think.
10. Spend more time snorgling those boys and their little girl cousin!!
11. Appreciate people more. (Easy to do on the inside, I don't always show it outwardly.)
12. Walk more closely with my God. (Always, always my goal.)

I welcome you, 2010. I'm ready for whatever you have to throw at me, good or bad. "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."