:. life rules .:

1. never throw away the instructions to your waffle maker.
2. never judge, because whatever measure you use to judge others will be the one God uses on you. Yikes! Do you really always meet your own standards? (not to mention God's?)
3. always try to think of yourself as "Plank-Eye", and the other guy as "Speck". Then when you think you need to remove the dust mote from someone else's life, you'll realize you have a log that needs some attention. (and let's be honest: sometimes the log in our own eye is more like an entire forest. We might be fooling others, but we can never fool the One who matters.)
4. always be ready to forgive. "If you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins". (these aren't my words, Jesus said that.) Again, yikes!
5. never forget just how much you've been forgiven by God. Really helps with rule number 4.
6. never buy sheets with a thread count of less than 250.
7. life is much nicer with a canary.
8. if you're over the age of 18, please stop using your crappy childhood as an excuse to be a crappy adult. We all have baggage, but it doesn't have to be carry-on. Check it at the door and start living in a way that reflects who you really want to be.
9. never prepare your prize-winning 'manicotti with meat and ricotta filling' for a vegetarian. Trust me, you'll be sorry you did.
10. when inviting dinner guests, always ask beforehand if they're vegetarian.
11. 'whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.' (I love that; it's from Ecclesiastics. Such a great life rule.)
12. always choose your words carefully. (see post below.) And then just shut your mouth, if that is the better option.
13. as much as you are able, drive a car with heated seats.
14. as much as possible, snuggle a child in your lap.
15. as often as you can, talk face-to-face with a friend.
16. contrary to popular opinion, you should never buy lemonade from a kid with a lemonade stand. The last time I did, the cup was dirty and there was grass floating in it. Yuck. Oh yeah, and they never have the correct change.

:. snarky .:

Our church did something pretty cool last month: we all did a corporate fast for the month of September. The idea was for everyone to give up something (think Lent) in order to hear from God and be unified in our thinking and direction.

People gave up caffeine, web browsing, beer and the like, and after careful thought, I decided to give up sarcasm. (Go ahead and laugh, Josh Johnson!)

You have to understand, sarcasm is my favorite form of humor. I resort to it all the time, and usually it comes out as quite witty, at least in my opinion. (Which is probably the reason Chandler is my favorite 'Friend'.) So giving up a favored form of speech for a month was harder than it might sound.

I was amazed at how often I would open my mouth to say something, then have to immediately shut it again as I realized the words I was about to speak came under the heading of sarcastic.

And as I thought about it throughout the month, I realized more and more just how snarky my humor can be. I've long held the opinion that if you have to say, "Just kidding!" after a comment, then you probably shouldn't have said it in the first place. So even in my sarcasm, I try never to hurt a person's feelings. But, face it, snarky is snarky, no matter how you cut it, and I realized that many things I mean as a joke come out sounding all wrong. [So if I've ever hurt you in some weak attempt at being funny, I ask your forgiveness.]

Here's a bit of wisdom from the book of James*, said much better than I ever could:

A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!

It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.

This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue—it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!

And then there's this, from Ephesians:

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.

With those guidelines, I may never be able to open my mouth again.

*Bible passages are from The Message.

:. it's back .:

Just got the lab results, and my Grave's Disease is rearing its ugly head once again.
DANG.
And why did Robert Graves have to be the first to identify the disease? Why couldn't it have been Robert Twinkle?
I'd love to say I have Twinkle Disease.

dang.

:. things i've learned .:

I've learned some things in my trips around the block. In honor of my natal anniversary, here are a few:

1. you don't have to worry about what people think of you, because they aren't.

2. he who has God, plus many things, has nothing more than he who has God alone. (I wish I had said that, but it was C.S. Lewis.)

3. because I believe the above statement, I know we would all be better off with less 'things'. And more God, of course.

4. now and then I like to contemplate the difference between then and now.

5. sometimes life is hard, but it's never the end of the world. Unless, of course, it's the end of the world.

6. if it were the end of the world, it would be too late to do all those things you've put off doing.

7. we tend to forget that this life is only a drop in the ocean compared to eternity. that's why we worry more about the status of our bank account than the status of our soul.

8. we all take way too many things for granted, including people we love.

9. we have NO IDEA of the depth of God's love for His children.

10. nor do we have ANY IDEA how holy God is, either. (We tend to think He's like us, only bigger. Wrong.)

11. we often confuse the patience of God with acquiescence. Big mistake.

12. life was never meant to be a bed of roses. (We got kicked out of the garden, remember?) It's actually more of a crucible; a place to refine us into the people we were meant to be.

13. it's futile to run from God. He fills heaven and earth . . . where are you going to hide? Better to stop running and submit. You're guaranteed a much happier ending.

14. there is no such thing as greener grass. That is simply an illusion created when we look through eyes of discontent.

15. Dorothy was right, there really is no place like home.

And just for the record: If I were a tree, I'd have 54 rings. I wonder how much girth that is in the arboreal world?

:. proud as can be .:

Department Press Release

Barbara Carlton named "Woman of the Year in Agriculture"

TALLAHASSEE – Think back to the popular 1960s television show "The Big Valley." Ranch matriarch Victoria Barkley, played by legendary actress Miss Barbara Stanwyck, rides her horse in from the range, manages the family ranch, raises successful children and, all the while, conducts herself as a prim, proper and charming lady. If you thought that could only happen in Hollywood, think again.
Florida Agriculture Commissioner Charles H. Bronson today announced that another "Barbara," Mrs. Barbara Carlton, has been selected to receive the "Woman of the Year in Agriculture" award for 2001.
"The name Carlton is legendary in Florida's agricultural history," Bronson said. "Barbara has carried on the proud tradition of her family name, and is certainly one of the hardest-working women in agriculture."

I don't know why I'm just finding out about this now.